JUANA SUMMERS, HOST:
The alleged gang rape at a Cornell University fraternity house has revived discussions about many topics, from consent to Greek life to drug use on college campuses.
SCOTT DETROW, HOST:
We've heard from women having these discussions, and we have also talked to men who have been thinking and writing about all of this, too.
SUMMERS: Vichet Ou (ph), a community organizer with the Masculinity Action Project, Tony Porter, cofounder of A Call to Men, an organization that promotes healthy masculinity to prevent violence against women, Kyle Richard with the nonprofit It's On Us, which fights campus sexual assault.
DETROW: Also, Josh Rubin (ph), a senior at Colby College and contributor to the TikTok account Sex Ed for Guys, and Jason Barefoot, who writes the Substack Dad//Citizen. Here's what they had to say.
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JOSH RUBIN: I mean, there are just so many different emotions - certainly, deep sadness and frustration, certainly, about men's inaction. By the way, I went to therapy today, so, like, I have a lot of different (laughter) emotions rattling around.
VICHET OU: I wouldn't be who I am today if I didn't go to Cornell, and I'm just deeply saddened and angered.
JASON BAREFOOT: There were so many things about the details of that case that really just made my skin crawl. The fact that it was just so brazen - the sort of brazenness with which some fraternity guys approached me when I was in college and tried to recruit me by saying that they were getting girls, and yada yada yada.
TONY PORTER: This case truly highlights that we continue to live in a society that's a rape culture. We continue to live in a society where a large majority of men don't perpetrate the violence, but we're silent to the violence.
BAREFOOT: My wife has, like, group chats, for instance, and they're discussing it. And that's not something that I'm getting quite as much in my social circles. It's lonelier.
PORTER: For me, as a person that engages men in ending violence against women and girls, it's an opportunity for me to lean in. So, yes, I'm talking to folks at my church. I'm talking to folks in the community. I'm talking to my own children and with my own family. We're talking about it.
OU: You know, I'm a parent of a young toddler now, and I want to see boys be able to play with my girl in a respectful and human way.
BAREFOOT: My boys are super young - two twin boys, 10 months. I really try and be a caregiver to our boys, not just, like, a sturdy, authoritative figure but actually one who cares for them and other people. And so I'd want them to be caregivers. Consent is just, like, the legal floor.
RUBIN: I think from a really young age, the idea of no means no was really strongly pressed in my household. That was a huge thing.
KYLE RICHARD: We do need to do better in terms of education and culture. That's where we really have to do a better job of giving those solutions of what's to do if somebody's too incapacitated, you know, whether it's drugs, whether it's alcohol.
RUBIN: My friend Max always uses this example where he's like, I could have five beers and not be drunk at all, and Josh could have two and be totally intoxicated. And so that means that we need to teach - really clearly - what active and enthusiastic consent is. And I think that probably needs to start earlier.
RICHARD: You know, maybe there's a person that's arguing with a friend that their body count - sexual body count isn't high enough, right? And I go, why does that matter so much to you?
OU: The role that men need to play is that it takes a cultural shift, and that takes all of us.
PORTER: So my sons are no longer in college, but I have been speaking to some young men about it. Many of them question, if they had received that text message, would they have taken it to the authorities? Most parents can give me certainty that their son is not going to assault my daughter. But most parents cannot give me certainty that their son is going to intervene if something's happening to my daughter. And that's where we as parents fall short.
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SUMMERS: That was Tony Porter, Vichet Ou, Jason Barefoot, Kyle Richard and Josh Rubin.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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